Dateline: PLAINVIEW, N.Y. — Jan 10, 2026 In response to the global epidemic of spam emails, unsolicited LinkedIn DMs, and general digital exhaustion, a new mental health facility has officially opened its branches. Literally. Dr. Sigmund Fraud, a woodland-based practitioner with questionable credentials and a prickly demeanor, announced today the launch of his private practice at SigmundFraud.net . Unlike traditional therapists who charge hundreds of dollars an hour, Dr. Fraud operates on a strict "acorn-based" economy. His methodology, known as "Hypnotic Tail Therapy," promises to shock patients out of their repetitive behaviors—specifically targeting those suffering from Chronic Cold-Calling Syndrome and Reply-All Anxiety . "Out on a limb where the shadows grow long, sits a squirrel who's heard every loser's sad song," read a statement issued from the hollow of his tree . When asked for comment regarding his licensure, Dr. Fraud took a long p...